Throwback tech: The Rock

As promised the next issue of throwback tech is here. I know that I said i would talk about the rock in this issue and I have no plans to cause any panic or alarm. So without further ado I give you the rock!

In times long past our ancestors were faced with one rather large problem, the world had too many other animals in it. These animals were horrible to us, they would steal our food, compete for the same caves, and even engage in the most horrible of pastimes, eating us! Well little did those pesky critters know, but humanity was about to make a discovery that would catapult us to the top of the food chain, we found the rock!

We can now only imagine how this discovery was started, but I figure it was probably accidental. Somewhere in the jungles of the equator Bob got angry at Sam and threw a rock at him. When Sam started to cry it was only a matter of early primate logic for Bob to figure, if hitting Sam with a rock could make him cry, perhaps it could have the same effect on other things as well. So Sam carefully stalked another animal sent the rock flying and bam! the animal ran off, and thus started humanities love affair with the rock.

It was only a short time after the discovery of the rock as an effective weapon that humanity also found another use for this now beloved item. Building stuff, with rocks we no longer had to hope that naturally occuring caves were not inhabited by other things, with the rock we could now build our own caves! But we didn’t stop there (do we ever?), soon early humanity was building homes, walls, fences, pens and all manner of assorted structure with rocks, but this was only the beginning soon the rock would find yet another use to us, tools!

Yes the rock was a great tool, no longer would we be stymied by such ridiculous things as melon rinds and coconut shells, gone were the days of not being able to eat things such as crab and lobster, with the rock there was no surface we could not penetrate, no item that could withstand the vicious onslaught of our early tools. With the rock both as tool, weapon, and building supply humanity would reign supreme against all the terrifying beasts of the world!

Not only was the rock an important part of early humanities rise from the jungle, it has played an important role in history, without the rock David would have been helpless against Goliath, protesters throughout history would have been without an iconic image, and finally we would have never had the joy of rock and roll music.

and now I leave you this week with the immortal words of the ever awesome Queen.